lana del rey
I know it may sound corny to you but there are things that are worth to share :3
“No one compares to you, but there’s no you, except in my dreams tonight.”
this quote, was written by the singer Lana Del Rey and it reflects word by word what I feel.
Imagine yourself freshments, beginning your first day in highschool, afraid of everything. I’m sure we all ask ourselves the same questions; How its going to be like? what if i don’t get any friends? would I be all alone for three years?
doubts and fears, we are so scared of two short words so much, whys that? we are raised by certain “invisible rules” lets call it, you know that you will grow up, get up to school, you have to get good grades to enter a good university, that’s what they say. they also say, always be good respect other, they say why are you so lazy go to work while you study and when you do they ask you to quit so it wont bother your studies. it will be always “they say”. “they” are: parents, teachers friends siblings. people dictate certain codes that we need to follow.
Eventually you do that first step in your new class and you bump into someone (not a Hollywood bump, a normal one). You manage to have only a glimpse in a brown green-eyed boy, a moment you didn’t know that day that would change you. I continued in my way to the table and he walked away…. I found out later it was a quite and shy boy who was so hard to talk to but eventually he opened his heart to you. You have this amazing feeling that he chose you from all others to open up to. he became one of my best friends in the summer holiday we met only once but that meant a lot to me. more than he ever will know…
Now you are a sophomore, finally no longer “fresh meat” you feel all grown up and waiting to meet him in the first day. He is there, worked out during the summer looks prettier how much you want to hug him you missed him so much. During the year you see that he changes, suddenly he talks to the most popular kids and you are happy for him, finally this shy boy is opened up, you never knew there’s such thing to exaggerate. as the day passes you see he talks less and less to you, whats happening? why? that’s what should be happening? he still talks to you but less. and less. He comes only when he wants to tell something. he suddenly shows of his grades, hugs every second girl when once it was only you. Your heart aches but you keep telling yourself “its the best for him”. you hope that in the summer you will see each other more. suddenly you find out he had his first kiss by a message, he sent it on the day you were about to receive a first place award on a story that you wrote. you were stupid enough to think he would want to come and see. He watched from his television later you found out, a day later you discover that all the class girls were talking about it and thinking, how could you think he would only tell this to you. it was painful, you fee betrayed and also mad, he was so excited about his first kiss and how it occurred . That exactly moment you knew there’s no turning back. he went away.
Today you two seniors, you only enter class and he gives you a huge bear hug. maybe he knows…maybe he doesn’t…maybe he ignores… You haven’t seen him all summer and the first thing he tells you, I confessed to her how I feel. that exactly moment you knew the truth: Game Over Girl.
I’ll tell you what hurts the most, he doesn’t trust you anymore like he once did. Your birthday came and that’s the only message you got from him in a long time telling how you were a big part of his life. What are you now? Another one among his friends. Whats makes you different from the is the realization: You loved him.You loved him and accepted him when nobody did. you love him now when he hurts you day after day. You just love. He was the only one you ever managed to feel happiness sadness angry worry all at the same time. It hurts to know you are not the one who makes him feel this way. you are the friend. Just and only the friend. What makes you different from her is that you see whats happening and you just look, you never touch. that’s because you dot own him and you’ll never will, and she will.
he found the girl he likes and she is so lucky to have a guy like him, you only wish she wont make him suffer. Maybe one day he will change, all that is left now is this little story to tell and retell, your heart again is locked inside a cell.